When my children were younger, I would neglect everything I wanted and needed to see to their needs. All was well at first because I thought I was doing what I was “supposed” to be doing as a mother. But one day, I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. I didn’t even recognize the person I’d become but figured this was what motherhood was all about.
Motherhood entailed looking frumpy and tired, sacrificing everything to care for them and feeling generally unfulfilled until your children were old enough to care for themselves. All hopes and dreams deferred for the 24 years children would be in the household.
There was a constant mood, a cloud of thought hanging over me that if I didn’t do things this way or that, I’m suddenly a terrible mom who didn’t deserve to have children. I became resentful. Not of them but of these notions. The type of motherhood society dictates I should model if I wanted to be “a good mom”. I was in constant conflict. My children were happy but I wasn’t. I was miserable and longed for the freedom of my old child-free life. And I also wanted nothing more than my children to be here in this world with me. How could I be a mother but also be true to who I am?
One day, feeling exhausted with attempts to live up to proposed standards, I decided I didn’t want to be a good mom. I wanted to be a happy one. A GREAT one–a woman my children would admire for her courage, fierceness and passion for life. I knew that if I were to teach them anything, it would be for them to know the type of life they want is possible. In order to do that, I had to first create the type of life I wanted with them and model it every single day.
What a happier life looked like to me was acknowledging that even as a mom, it’s ok to be and feel sexy–to love all up on my husband all of the time. It’s ok to spend time alone and shop for myself. And it’s one thousand percent ok to tend to my mental, emotional and physical well-being by taking an hour or two to exercise daily. Doing these things for myself does not mean I’m neglecting my children. If fact, when mom is happier, everyone in the house is happier as well.
There is nothing sexy about motherhood but it doesn’t mean that I don’t seek opportunities to embrace my sensuality and femininty. I still want my husband to see me as sexy as the day we met. And while I’m not lounging around the house in lingerie and sheer robes looking as sexy as I want all the time, I know that embracing and being true to the woman I am takes nothing away from my ability to be an outstanding mother. Moms are allowed to be sexy too. In clothing and in attitude, in life and in love.
I learned that no one benefits when you don’t aim to live a fulfilled life–whatever that looks like to you–and to become the absolute best version of yourself every single day. And absolutely no one suffers when you make yourself a priority but everyone loses when you lose yourself.
Selah.
